Accomplishments Big and Small - DBlog Week, Day #4

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.). (Thanks to Hilary of Rainie and Me for this topic suggestion.)

I would not be writing this blog today if it weren't for my decision to finally start seeing a counselor for my very deep dark Diabetes denial.  I was a perfectionist in every aspect of my life - especially school. I was incredibly hard on myself in order to achieve my best possible results. Except with diabetes. And because I wasn't conquering it, I started ignoring it entirely. Guessing insulin doses, not testing for weeks on end...this went on for almost a decade. 

During this time I was on a horrible 3 month cycle -- diabetes appointment with horrible A1C, ugly cry with empty promises, repeat. Each time I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone else to help me. Every other goal I had set out to conquer I was able to accomplish all by my lonesome. Diabetes was supposed to be no different, but it was.

Something clicked inside of me during one of my subsequent ugly cries in front of my Endocrinologist. The words "I need help" came creeping ever so quietly around the lump into my throat and into the open air. Exposed, vulnerable, desperate words.

I was given the number to a counselor who only treated people with diabetes. She was a godsend, and I credit her with saving my life. She didn't just save it, she gave it back to me all shiny and new.

Through counseling I realized that suppressing my fears and anxieties about diabetes was incredibly exhausting all those years. It was even more exhausting to expel them, to open myself up to a stranger about a topic I couldn't even talk to myself about. But after each session I would float out of that office, lighter than helium. I was free floating into happiness and health and a normalcy I didn't know could exist alongside diabetes.

I started talking to other people through support groups. I got introduced to the DOC, and the DOC blogosphere. I now have the best A1Cs of my 20 years of this disease and I look forward to (hopefully) tackling a scary thing like pregnancy in the future. I never thought I could do it, but I am.

I am. 

Click for the Accomplishments Big and Small -Thursday 5/16 Link List