Sunday, April 15, 2012

Presence of the Pump

It's been a while since I've written and SO MUCH has transpired. My pump delivery was held up because Animas experienced a glitch with some pumps on leap year day (2/29/12) that messed up some pumpers' date/time. This delay stretched on and on, but I finally got my very own pump on 4/03/12! Still pondering a good pet-name for my pump!
I attended my first pump class the very next day and spent the following week pumping saline. I had a few highs and lows during that time (emotional, not BG), mostly grappling with getting used to something "attached" to me 24/7. After 19 years of shots, I am happy to see them go but am taking a while getting used to the presence of the pump. I find myself waking up every hour or so, slightly panicked that I broke it in my sleep.
My second challenge came on 4/11/12, when I replaced the saline with insulin. I felt so excited and confident in the second pump class, and then as soon as the crowd cleared and my husband left me to go back to work, I suddenly felt so alone, so tiny, and so enveloped in my anxiety. But I talked to myself and reminded myself that beginnings are scary, but I'll get used to it with time. How many new beginnings have I gone through these past 19 years concerning my diabetes? So many. I got through them all, and this will be no exception. And after my pep talk, I started feeling pure confidence. I also felt so much pride that I thought I might burst unless I shared that I was now a pumper! I went back to work, proudly told several close colleagues, and felt like a certified super woman.
I can do this - and I'll do it well!

2 comments:

  1. Congrats on making the move to the pump! I hope it's working out for you. I remember the first couple days feeling so weird with something attached to me. I felt "more diabetic" than ever. And then a few days later, I realized how much better I felt... in other words, how much "less diabetic" I felt. I hope it's been a similar experience for you!

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  2. Thank you! I've come to love it and, most of all, respect it. Like you're saying, it is so much better when you can really appreciate what it does to make life easier overall. I don't think I can go back to shots!

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